Trevor’s Magical San Francisco Adventure

Originally published on Trevor Trove on October 17, 2016


Once upon a time (because that’s how fairy tales start), there was a young man named Trevor. Ever since he was a boy he loved video games: playing them, talking and writing about them, and he even considered trying to make them for a brief period of time in an era long past known as College Year One.

Two years hence, he visited the bright and colorful world of Las Vegas to attend Ye Olde PlayStatione Experience. He was overwhelmed by the community and excitement that surrounded him there and began setting a series of events in motion that would change the course of his very life.

He was very blessed and worked very hard to save up his gold pieces and travel to other magical lands like San Antonio, Boston, Austin, and Seattle. But his favorite place quickly became the kingdom of San Francisco. He devoted a healthy number of his gold coins to support a troupe of local internet jesters who went by the name of Kinda Funny. There was Greg, the Greeter; Colin, the Right; Tim, the Host; Nick, the Producer-Slash-Seducer; and Kevin, the Big Dawg. They took him in for one of their minstrel shows and our hero Trevor was hooked. Suddenly, he could envision the life he dreamed of becoming a reality.

He worked hard, slowly but surely building a name for himself and finding his own voice in his own Trove. Trevor set his sights on the shining star on the hill: Castle IGN. He would occasionally reach out to the denizens of Castle IGN through his network of Twitter ravens and every now and then, one of them would arrive safely and he would get a response. He would often visit the Castle when he would travel to the Kingdom of San Francisco, allowing the digital pen pals he had made to put a face to the name they knew him by: the Snarkiest of the House Starkey. Their likenesses rang out across the land but he was largely a stranger to their eyes. But eventually he met many of them and when he travelled the land and came across them in other kingdoms, they remembered his unique attire: a coat of armor with his own likeness pinned to his chest and a variety of matching visors, holding back his curled mane of hair.

All throughout his travels, he had been hard at work, improving his craft. Then he heard the news. There was to be a festival celebrating Castle IGN’s twentieth year. Many friends would be in attendance and so too would Trevor.

How Our Hero Rose Above His Station

Before jumping to the festival, we must travel back to detail a few choice encounters. During the Festival of the Eastern PAX, he had a warm conversation with one Sir Andrew, the Dark Knight of News (who, despite his moniker, is actually quite a pleasant knight). Sir Andrew showed incredible kindness to Trevor and instructed him on how he might be able to one day become a Squire or even a Knight of Castle IGN. The Dark Knight desired many offerings of the News he so cherished. Emboldened, Trevor set straight away to refine his ability to craft the desired News stories.

Once a fortnight had passed, he presented Sir Andrew with some of his finest samples. Alas, Sir Andrew had already found a new Knight to join him at Castle IGN: Sir Jonathon. While Trevor was temporarily dismayed, he immediately grew to adore and respect Sir Jonathon for his wisdom and humility. Undeterred, Trevor doubled down on his efforts, feeling closer than ever to attaining his goals.

Months later, during the Festival of the Western PAX, formerly known as PAX the Prime, Trevor once again conversed with Sir Andrew. The Dark Knight regretted that his busy schedule had kept him out of contact with Trevor but appreciated the work Trevor had done and invited him to Squire with him. Trevor could feel it: his dreams turning to reality. He agreed to Sir Andrew’s terms, trained with yet another brave knight Sir Seth, the Weekend Warrior, and was soon preparing for his first joust.

Reuniting with the Jesters of Kinda Funny

The weekend of Castle IGN’s twentieth year celebration had arrived. Trevor flew his usual dragon to the Kingdom of San Francisco and found his lodging for the weekend. On this first night, he met up with some of his heroes at Sir Marty, the Drunk’s weekly Battle of Wits contest. While there, Sir Andrew and Sir Jonathon offered our young Squire a seat at their table the following day to put together the final preparations for his initial joust on behalf of Castle IGN. Overjoyed at the offer, Squire Trevor partook of many flagons of the Tavern Jackalope’s finest, yet cheapest, mead. As the evening wound down and the knights took their leave, Squire Trevor talked long into the night with a new friend he had made, a villager named George of House Loftus. The two were mutual fans of the Castle IGN Knights, as well as the Kinda Funny Jesters and bonded over these shared passions. Trevor had been blessed to have so many of these heartfelt one-on-one conversations over the past two years. This one was as touching as the rest.

The next morn, Squire Trevor traversed the Kingdom with his trusty steed, Uber. He had been invited to the new den of the Kinda Funny Jesters. The last time he had visited them, they were performing out of a spare living quarters. He remembered dining with them after they performed together and discussing a proper den as one of the most important things they could do to grow the troupe. Greg, the Greeter uttered the phrase “sic parvis magna,” a Latin incantation which roughly translates as “greatness from small beginnings.” As if Greg’s words had cast a spell, Trevor was mesmerized by the impressive furnishings in the den, including a highly provocative portraiture of Kevin, the Big Dawn over the chamberpot.

Trevor spent the morning with Greg, the Greeter; Tim, the Host; and Kevin, the Big Dawg as they performed their daily showing of Colin and Greg Appearing Before Thousands by Magic. Colin, the Right was away celebrating his Name Day and Nick, the Producer-Slash-Seducer was away from the den, toiling away with the mystical moving portraits that had overtaken his life. Greg, upon hearing Trevor’s news of being made a Squire, was moved to celebrate it before his audience, inviting Trevor to be a small part of the show. All of the Jesters had once been Knights for Castle IGN and they were excited at the prospects the young Squire had ahead of him.

Following the performance, he bid them adieu, knowing he would see them the following eve at Castle IGN’s festivities. As always, his time with the Jesters had produced their most valuable product: pure and unadulterated joy.

The First Joust

Trevor rushed back across the Kingdom to the Castle. The opening ceremony of the festivities involved a tour of the Castle grounds and Trevor had spent so much time with the Jesters, he was running late. Fortunately, he was able to reach out to his friends, the fair Lady Kiersten, the Coordinator and Squire Sean, the Knerd, who ensured the drawbridge would still be down when he arrived, and they performed admirably.

Now, Trevor was no stranger to the Castle grounds, having toured the lands a few other times in the past couple years. Trevor would often secretly try to identify a nice parcel of land that he’d be able to settle down on if he were ever invited to join the Castle Guard. This trip followed the pattern of similar adventures of yore. Trevor was surrounded by other excited villagers and was able to enjoy further conversations with many a Knight, as well as members of the higher court like the many Lords and Ladies of the Castle who keep everything in order. Even the benevolent King Peer took a moment to welcome us into his realm and thanked us for our support and presence.

When the tour was at an end, Sir Andrew and Sir Jonathon pulled Trevor aside and gave him temporary quarters to prepare for his joust. Sir Jonathon chose a worthy opponent for our Squire: a Knight of the Order of Jedi. Sir Jonathon advised Trevor on the proper forms and etiquette for the joust and provided some insight on the best ways to analyze the opponent and understand the entire story.

Trevor took his time, sizing up his opponent, crafting the best strategies he could muster. His form faltered briefly but Sir Jonathon was there as his second and provided additional support as needed. At the battle’s end, Squire Trevor emerged victorious. and his story was heralded to the masses by Madam Luce of Clan O’Brien and her mighty team of Production Wizards.

Word of Trevor’s joust with the Jedi Knight even made its way to the highest towers of the Castle Reddit. Sir Marty would later inform the Squire that such a feat had not happened on behalf of Castle IGN for many moons, but Trevor’s tale was the second such occurrence in half a fortnight. Many villagers, knights, and even King Peer expressed their admiration for such an impressive first joust. Trevor tried his best to remain humble, expressing the opponent had such name recognition and was such a worthy foe that any Squire or Knight who had faced off with him would have likely seen a similar response (he had fought in the Wars of Star after all). But he was excited nonetheless and could not wait to return to his own lands and begin soon begin jousting on a more regular basis.

The Festival for Castle IGN’s Twentieth Year

The next day, there was excitement in the air. It was the day of the Grand Festival. How did Squire Trevor prepare for the event? He spent the early hours compiling his credentials. King Peer had made a royal proclamation that anyone attending the Festival would be able to submit their credentials and the King himself would review them and provide insight as to what other quests would be required of the applicants for admission into the Castle Guard. Bolstered by the results of his joust, Squire Trevor spent most of the day entirely reworking the credentials he had originally brought with him in order to reflect his latest accomplishments.

With his revised credentials in hand, Trevor walked to the Fairgrounds. It was here that Sir Marty expressed the merit of Castle Reddit celebrating Trevor’s joust. The Squire began enjoying libations with other Knights, many of whom congratulated him and celebrated him with a toast. As other villagers began to arrive, the Knight’s prepared for their performances.

Trevor sat back, beaming with pride to be surrounding by such company, including many of his own friends and confidantes. There was Squire Barrett Who Bought Many Zones of Games; Danny Who Was Stoked; Steven Who Was Dually-Shocked; and Damien the Saur to name a few. He watched the Knights, amazed that many of them now considered him a friend or colleague; his heroes now fighting alongside him. Even the Jesters of Kinda Funny attended the Festival as former Knights themselves.

So many of Trevor’s favorite people were in one place, celebrating together, with even more absent friends still with him in his heart, that he couldn’t help but smile and think what an amazing journey he had been on.

Will our hero live happily ever after? Stay tuned…

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